Watching Oprah today, at home feeling sick, they were discussing a 12 year old girl sending a 12 year old boy a text message about wanting to kiss him, and go to 'second base' (stoopid americans). The mother of the boy did not know whether to contact the parents of the girl to let them know about these messages.
Aside from the fact that THEY ARE ONLY 12!!! (which Oprah seemed to ignore), they discussed what would the parent do if they discovered a boy sending a girl the same messages.... Sadly the answers were way stricter, and I wonder why.
Girls are born predators. We know we can get what we want. We are devious and cunning and due in part to a feeling of being hard done-by (oh we get paid less, we get objectified, cry cry cry) believe we are entitled to more than is ever first offered. If I think of all the relationships I've been in, only one was the result of someone else pursuing me... in all other cases it's been me making the first moves (and for the record, that one only lasted a couple of months).
Sure guys have penises, which really are the last word in taking what you want, but when it comes to everything up to that point, I'd be more afraid of the girls.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Friday, September 04, 2009
I'd buy that for a dollar
Oh man, my brain just won't stop!
I think I live in some kind of mental fantasy land. Seriously, so much going on in there has little or no basis in reality. Is it some kind of latent ADHD?? Do I have multiple personalities? Sociopathic? Is everyone like this? Tell me, do you imagine every possible outcome of a situation like the strands of parallel universes, drifting further and further away from reality until you're imagining yourself in a totally different life?
Today I looked in the mirror and saw a manic gleam in my eye. True story.
I think I live in some kind of mental fantasy land. Seriously, so much going on in there has little or no basis in reality. Is it some kind of latent ADHD?? Do I have multiple personalities? Sociopathic? Is everyone like this? Tell me, do you imagine every possible outcome of a situation like the strands of parallel universes, drifting further and further away from reality until you're imagining yourself in a totally different life?
Today I looked in the mirror and saw a manic gleam in my eye. True story.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Simone vs The Universe
Looking back on the last month or two, I've been a bit self destructive. Maybe not just a bit. But something switched or triggered and all of a sudden it's been Simone against the universe. Everything was wrong, everything is horrible. It's like a totally undiagnosed and no-basis-in-medical-reality bipolarism. The highest of highs and the ugliest of lows. I can only imagine that living with me must be horrible (sorry Joe, Ruby, Texas).
Most of it's coming from inside, which in the long run is going to be harder to fix than the physical damage. The habit of negative, self-hating thought is going to take a while to break, and I'm too cynical to believe that saying encouraging positive phrases to myself every day is going to do anything. I just need to fix the things that make me think badly. Sounds so easy.
I'm letting little stresses turn into nightmares and mentally running away from things I just don't want to think about. The 'too hard' basket is overflowing. I need a mental spring cleaning.
So I've decided to have Sober September. No drinking, no partying. That's the outside part, that everyone sees. But my other goal is to sort out what's happening on the inside. I need to know what's making me act like this, feel like this, be like this. And fix it. Because it's not healthy.
Most of it's coming from inside, which in the long run is going to be harder to fix than the physical damage. The habit of negative, self-hating thought is going to take a while to break, and I'm too cynical to believe that saying encouraging positive phrases to myself every day is going to do anything. I just need to fix the things that make me think badly. Sounds so easy.
I'm letting little stresses turn into nightmares and mentally running away from things I just don't want to think about. The 'too hard' basket is overflowing. I need a mental spring cleaning.
So I've decided to have Sober September. No drinking, no partying. That's the outside part, that everyone sees. But my other goal is to sort out what's happening on the inside. I need to know what's making me act like this, feel like this, be like this. And fix it. Because it's not healthy.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Action without meaning
I always figured i had a fairly nice body. Sure, sometimes it's been hidden, but it's there. I'm pretty but not stunning, a bit odd compared to the classic beautiful. Getting older has shown me that. And I'm lucky that I'm naturally slim, being tall helps, it's all a bit stretched out really.
I've joined gyms before, gone to them for a while. It hasn't been so much to lose weight, but to get some activity, use some muscles, to prevent anything too bad happening, body-wise. Last year I joined a gym near home, and was convinced - okay it didn't take much - to get a personal trainer. Once a week for almost a year, I've let someone else push me, harass me, yell at me, challenge me, and eventually I learned to push back, yell back, and be my own self, which (though frustrating for him at times I'm sure) has really helped me get more out of it.
I looked at my body properly for the first time in ages a couple of weeks ago. I saw that it's changed; that I stand straighter, taller, prouder. That I wear different clothes, or maybe just the same clothes, differently. I actually look at my body in a new way - it's not just this thing that carries me around, that should be small and neat and kept good looking; it's something mouldable, changeable. I can see muscles now, I can tell how to isolate them, make them work. I can do everything a little bit better than I could before.
It's a funny kind of awareness of myself. I guess it's like people who get all excited about "finding themselves" on holidays to asia, or that gap year between school and uni, or maybe just by sleeping with a billion people. I've kind of found my body. And I like it.
I've joined gyms before, gone to them for a while. It hasn't been so much to lose weight, but to get some activity, use some muscles, to prevent anything too bad happening, body-wise. Last year I joined a gym near home, and was convinced - okay it didn't take much - to get a personal trainer. Once a week for almost a year, I've let someone else push me, harass me, yell at me, challenge me, and eventually I learned to push back, yell back, and be my own self, which (though frustrating for him at times I'm sure) has really helped me get more out of it.
I looked at my body properly for the first time in ages a couple of weeks ago. I saw that it's changed; that I stand straighter, taller, prouder. That I wear different clothes, or maybe just the same clothes, differently. I actually look at my body in a new way - it's not just this thing that carries me around, that should be small and neat and kept good looking; it's something mouldable, changeable. I can see muscles now, I can tell how to isolate them, make them work. I can do everything a little bit better than I could before.
It's a funny kind of awareness of myself. I guess it's like people who get all excited about "finding themselves" on holidays to asia, or that gap year between school and uni, or maybe just by sleeping with a billion people. I've kind of found my body. And I like it.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Loved up
Joe surprised me by asking me to marry him while we were on holiday. A fantastic, beautiful, romantic surprise, just when I thought the holiday was already unforgettable.
I didn't realise it would affect us, considering we've been living together for a while and are generally happy and loving, but since then, we just keep smiling and feel happier than ever. I guess it's all about standing up and saying to the universe, we love each other and even though life can be hard, we're going to go through it together, and make the best life we can.
Now the organising begins, though... we're not planning on getting married right away, but we want to have our engagement party soon, to share the news and happiness with our friends and family before it's 'old news'. So there's booking a place, organising food, invitations... today we bought 60 lagoon blue envelopes, way too expensive!! But cheaper to buy online, because you can get any quantity; in stores you can buy in packs of 10 or 25, but pay over a dollar to buy just one. I am determined not to spend too much money; but at the same time, if it goes towards lots of friends having a great time, then it's worth it.
I keep thinking we should have something vaguely Mexican-themed, since Joe proposed in Mexico. Quesadillas, perhaps?
I didn't realise it would affect us, considering we've been living together for a while and are generally happy and loving, but since then, we just keep smiling and feel happier than ever. I guess it's all about standing up and saying to the universe, we love each other and even though life can be hard, we're going to go through it together, and make the best life we can.
Now the organising begins, though... we're not planning on getting married right away, but we want to have our engagement party soon, to share the news and happiness with our friends and family before it's 'old news'. So there's booking a place, organising food, invitations... today we bought 60 lagoon blue envelopes, way too expensive!! But cheaper to buy online, because you can get any quantity; in stores you can buy in packs of 10 or 25, but pay over a dollar to buy just one. I am determined not to spend too much money; but at the same time, if it goes towards lots of friends having a great time, then it's worth it.
I keep thinking we should have something vaguely Mexican-themed, since Joe proposed in Mexico. Quesadillas, perhaps?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Music Theory
It's so expensive to see bands these days. And music festivals are ridiculous.
When I saw Smashing Pumpkins last year, I came up with a theory to test whether or not I got my money's worth out of my ticket. They played 5 songs I really liked, so I divided the cost of the ticket by 5. I think the ticket was around $100, so that's $20 for each song. Now, would I pay $20 to see them perform one song? Well if it was one of those 5 they played, sure I would! So I got my money's worth. As a bonus, Queens of the Stone Age were supporting (supporting??!?!! I would see them on their own!), and I really liked a couple of their songs... but they were just supporting so I wouldn't give it as much weight, so say it's $100 for 5 x SP + 1 x QOTSA = around $17 each song.
For festivals, it's much the same, but you do it slightly differently... You can use the basic method and divide the cost of the ticket by the number of bands you enjoy, but I like to add up the amount I would pay to see each band. So, if you would be cool paying $20 to see an Australian band, maybe $10 for an Adelaide band's show, and say $30 for a small imported act, $50 for a massive show you'd love to see, then you can see maybe one of each, a couple of Australian bands, and get roughly your money's worth for a BDO. For example, that is.
Global financial crisis? Solved!
When I saw Smashing Pumpkins last year, I came up with a theory to test whether or not I got my money's worth out of my ticket. They played 5 songs I really liked, so I divided the cost of the ticket by 5. I think the ticket was around $100, so that's $20 for each song. Now, would I pay $20 to see them perform one song? Well if it was one of those 5 they played, sure I would! So I got my money's worth. As a bonus, Queens of the Stone Age were supporting (supporting??!?!! I would see them on their own!), and I really liked a couple of their songs... but they were just supporting so I wouldn't give it as much weight, so say it's $100 for 5 x SP + 1 x QOTSA = around $17 each song.
For festivals, it's much the same, but you do it slightly differently... You can use the basic method and divide the cost of the ticket by the number of bands you enjoy, but I like to add up the amount I would pay to see each band. So, if you would be cool paying $20 to see an Australian band, maybe $10 for an Adelaide band's show, and say $30 for a small imported act, $50 for a massive show you'd love to see, then you can see maybe one of each, a couple of Australian bands, and get roughly your money's worth for a BDO. For example, that is.
Global financial crisis? Solved!
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
My belly aches... wait, no, it's just the rest of me. I am not a song.
The next person to make me sprint up stairs will be kicked in the head, possibly. I can't believe I pay to be tortured so frequently.
Work is totally completely PISSING ME OFF. It's the first time I've been so upset about it. The annoying thing is, a few changes and it would be much less stressful (can I fire people? Just one person please!). If one thing is really bad, it makes me see the rest of the day in a bad light as well. For the first time, my job includes being verbally challenged and/or abused almost daily, having to clean up other people's rubbish (coffee cups, food wrappers, tissues, anything people just want to drop on the floor really), having to work stupid random hours (including to 10pm at least once a fortnight), and having people undo or change things that I have done, without talking to me about it. This job is making me hate people. It could be so much easier, so much better, in fact without some of the problems, the other ones would be fine. I wouldn't mind working late or random hours, but add it to everything else and all I crave is a job with some regularity, predictability.
At least I have new skills now. I've discovered that - and if my year 10 maths teacher reads this, he WILL fall over and die - I am actually good with numbers. Really, I am! I could do a job that involves neat columns of numbers, lots of reading, quietness, not having to wear jeans and singlet tops to work... oh it sounds too good to be true. Someone give me a 9 to 5.
I am so focused on having a wonderful holiday. It's really going to be great - and so deserved! Joe and I haven't been away together really, except for a week or so in Melbourne and Sydney years ago (how weird that we've done something 'years ago' - it makes me feel old). I hope I'm a nice person to spend that much time with, because we'll be together nearly 24/7, in a country where they don't speak English, and we don't speak Spanish... I guess we'll be relying on Cody and Tania a lot. Anyway I can't wait to have the time off. I need to look at options.
I was forced to set a fitness training goal for the week. I've settled on Stretching Every Day, because I am not stretchy. I guess I will be by next week.
The next person to make me sprint up stairs will be kicked in the head, possibly. I can't believe I pay to be tortured so frequently.
Work is totally completely PISSING ME OFF. It's the first time I've been so upset about it. The annoying thing is, a few changes and it would be much less stressful (can I fire people? Just one person please!). If one thing is really bad, it makes me see the rest of the day in a bad light as well. For the first time, my job includes being verbally challenged and/or abused almost daily, having to clean up other people's rubbish (coffee cups, food wrappers, tissues, anything people just want to drop on the floor really), having to work stupid random hours (including to 10pm at least once a fortnight), and having people undo or change things that I have done, without talking to me about it. This job is making me hate people. It could be so much easier, so much better, in fact without some of the problems, the other ones would be fine. I wouldn't mind working late or random hours, but add it to everything else and all I crave is a job with some regularity, predictability.
At least I have new skills now. I've discovered that - and if my year 10 maths teacher reads this, he WILL fall over and die - I am actually good with numbers. Really, I am! I could do a job that involves neat columns of numbers, lots of reading, quietness, not having to wear jeans and singlet tops to work... oh it sounds too good to be true. Someone give me a 9 to 5.
I am so focused on having a wonderful holiday. It's really going to be great - and so deserved! Joe and I haven't been away together really, except for a week or so in Melbourne and Sydney years ago (how weird that we've done something 'years ago' - it makes me feel old). I hope I'm a nice person to spend that much time with, because we'll be together nearly 24/7, in a country where they don't speak English, and we don't speak Spanish... I guess we'll be relying on Cody and Tania a lot. Anyway I can't wait to have the time off. I need to look at options.
I was forced to set a fitness training goal for the week. I've settled on Stretching Every Day, because I am not stretchy. I guess I will be by next week.
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